How to Safely Sleep With a Groupie
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Groupie-mania is a real phenomenon. Salacious anonymous gals, screaming in a lustful hypnotic state, want energy from your perceived success. Indulgence is not a sin, but ignorance is unforgivable. Embrace groupie ‘love’ with caution.
Key steps below
Understand What You’re Dealing With: It’s absolutely imperative to recognize that while all humans have the capability of engaging in the act of groupie-ism, it is predominantly a personality trait. One can be a fan, admirer or supporter and not be a groupie. True groupies are in their own category and span across more cultures than seen in National Geographic. Familiarizing oneself with their sub-culture will not only help to identify genuine groupies, but is key to maneuvering safely and maximizing the experience.
Assemble A Filter Team: Like any respectable business structure, a chain of command should be established to assemble, casually interview and subsequently ‘green-light’ aspiring groupies. While it’s expected that members of your filter unit will act in self-interest and hoard the spoils, try to comprise your team with as many trust-worthy cohorts as possible. If done correctly, the options will improve and one’s chances of a smooth execution will heighten dramatically.
Don’t Overcommit To One Groupie: After your team sorts out the sexy from the scary, begin a delicate balancing act of showing appreciation for each one without publicly overcommitting. When you’ve mentally selected your first choice, try not to overtly ignore or demoralize the others. Your favorite may be a fake, and premature commitment could leave you empty-handed.
Try To Use a Neutral Location: While it may be easiest to host at one’s own home, it’s strongly encouraged to use a neutral location. Bringing groupies to the house generates a variety of risks: They might snoop around when you go to the bathroom; text their friends or tweet about being in your home; or worse, stalk your block for years to come. Contrarily, going to the groupie’s home poses its own dangers: It could be a sinister trap for an embarrassing video clip; a disappointing ploy to introduce you to family members for novelty points; or worse, you may discover that she’s an obsessed stalker with your pictures everywhere. Creepy. Ideal destinations: Hotel, colleague’s home or spacious vehicle.
Deal with the “I’m Not a Groupie” Hiccup. Once you have the location, there’s a possibility she’ll make the annoying proclamation of “I’m not a groupie”. If not dealt with appropriately, this could throw a monkey-wrench in the process. Here’s the skinny: Groupies want to feel like they’ve been chosen over all the other girls by a guy who has no problem getting women. If you convince them too strongly that you, in fact, have had very few partners, it makes them concerned that there might be actually something wrong with you. However, regardless of their own promiscuity, they don’t want to think of themselves as another one of your anonymous flings for the moment. The quickest remedy is to admit that, yes, you love women and you are indeed experienced. However, it gets lonely and you’re honestly trying to find that special someone. If she needs a little push, use buzzwords like “power couple”, even “soul mate” if need be. Essentially, plant the belief that there’s a future beyond the evening. If this bump in the road is handled improperly, the entire process could be derailed.
Use Protection: Like all casual sexual encounters, protection should be a mandatory accessory.
Do Not Allow Cameras: Unless you have a multi-pronged agenda of recording a tape for various purposes, do not allow pictures or video. The risks outweigh the benefits.
Keep It Moving: Don’t let groupies get too comfortable, especially if you couldn’t find a neutral location. Be polite and respectful but firm. Playtime is over and now they have to leave. Pay for their cab if necessary, but get them moving. An overly-comfortable groupie is a problem waiting to happen.
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